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INDONESIA

CANGGU/SELAT

Im here on the toilet thinking about all the possible cause that led me to this very moment. Is it the 27 mosquito bites i got in Phi Phi? The guy that sat next to me on the plane from Singapore (he asked to be moved to a row near the toilet cause he wasnt feeling good)? The questionable tuna i had in a poke bowl on the beach, my first night in Canggu? Or maybe it’s that weirdly wet handshake i received from my taxi driver OR that fucking holy water the Shaman made me drink? When you are travelling, it feels like pretty much everything is trying to make you shit yourself. Truth be told, we will never know what was the cause- but I had to occupy my mind trying to find a guilty for the pain I was in. It all started so well, what a fucking shame.

I arrived in Bali around noon and was greeted by a taxi driver with very moist hands but an equally charming smile. He was going to drop me in Canggu for my first night on the island. The drive to there took around 2 hours - mainly due the terrible traffic caused by the lack of signalisation. I was enjoying the view, so all was good. I noticed that the island had so many ornements and decorations all over. Like a lot of it. In front of every house and every shops, there was a giant yellow and red pole with offerings in it. That looked awesome but also a bit extra, comparing to all the other asian countries Ive visited. I got dropped at my hotel -a decent room with a pool access with it’s main attraction being located at 2 min by walk from the beach. The beach- that is where I decided to spend my first night. I sat on a bean bag to admire the sunset, a drink at one hand. I later decided to try a tuna poke bowl which tasted awful to my deepest regret. I walked back to the hotel, ready for a night of rest before leaving to my next stay.

The next morning, i hopped on a taxi in direction of Hideout. It was one of the stays I was the most excited about in this entire trip. I saw it multiple time on instagram, over the years, and it always made me dream. I arrived after almost three hours of drive through the mountains and rice-fields. When i was greeted by the staff at the entrance, i was already speechless by the beauty of it all. I was escorted to my villa: an absolutely breathtaking bamboo house overlooking a river. I settled in and went for a walk in the rice fields surrounding it, and then in the village next to it. Every villagers I cross path was so happy to see me. I said hello to each one of them. There were some stray dogs on the road on my way back that barked at me aggressively. I remember at that moment that Bangkok and Phi Phi had only stray cats- which i liked better. You don’t feel in danger by crossing path with them. I went back to the house for dinner and decided to go see a Shaman that same night, to immerse myself fully with the culture. I was escorted by motorbike, at 9pm, to an old house in the village nearby. An old woman was preparing offerings for the upcoming Kuningan, happening two days later. I learned that there was actually an ongoing ceremony all over Bali, that was related to this event. It was called Galungan- a celebration of the victory of the good against the evil. It is believed that spirits came to Bali for that period of time. The extra decorations all around the island suddenly started making sense. 10 days from the start of Galungan, it was Kuningan day- marking the closure of the ceremony with the spirit going back to heaven. Remember this, it will come back in our story sooner than you think.

So i am here in that house, in the middle of that small village on the mountains. The old lady prepares the offering I need to give to the Shaman as a thank you for seeing me tonight. Meanwhile, my translator (who escorted me there) is wrapping me in a silk blanket that I am sure has a proper name -I just can’t remember right now. Then, the Shaman enters the room. He is an old man with long hair wrapped behind his head with a poney tail. He wears some traditional clothes and has very long nails. His tone is very gentle, almost like he is whispering. He starts speaking and my translator, well, translates. He wants to know why I am here. I bluntly tell him that it’s with curiosity. I have a scientific brain and have no acquaintances with spirituality and as I am on the islands of the gods- I figured it would be appropriate for me to try to see what’s that all about. He laughs. He is pleased. He asks me if I have any pain, physically or emotionally. I talk a bit about my skateboard accident. Then he starts the ceremony. The Shaman leaves the room and my translator explain to me that he is now preparing the holy water. A bit concerned of what it contains, I ask her. She tells me it’s water mixed with some herbs, and made holy with prayers. Okay.. i guess? He comes back and pours a bit of water on my head- three times. Then, he asks me to drink three sips. I drink it with a thousand questions in my mind -where is this water coming from? Probably not from a bottle. Is it even water or will I be drugged? Well it’s too late now, my three sips are far gone. He puts water in my hands and asks me to wash my face- three times. We are done with the cleanse phase. Now, the Shaman is reading my hand lines. He says nothing much- but that I have symmetrical lines which are a good signs. He also see a lot of pain in the past but only good in the future (clearly he wasn’t seeing the fucking next 72 hours). He starts pressing some random points on my fingers and on my back, and after 10 minutes proclames he healed me. Okay? He now wants to open all my shakras. Imma be blunt with you, i still have no clue what a shakra is. I am kneeling in front of him. I already can’t feel my legs but now he is asking me to close my eyes and put both hands in front of me like I am sending magic through it. Jesus. Ok, i mean i’m here might as well do it even if I find all of this ridiculous. We start meditating, which is fine. After 5 min, he tells me i can open my eyes. All my shakras are now activated. He asks if I felt anything and, joking, I says i cant feel my legs anymore. He turns it into a “you felt levitating” and proceeded to tell my translator how easy he felt it was to open my shakras and that now he wants to transfer the energy of the three island’s gods to me. The translator share with me how much of an honour it is- and i feel kind of bad to dismiss a whole religion right now but i do not believe in this and I have to really force myself to act like I did. So I thank them and accept the holy trinity in me. More meditation with the arms up. 10 minutes later I am allowed to open my eyes. The Shaman can’t contain himself for his success and asks me how I feel with the biggest smile a teeth-less person can make. Frankly, I don’t feel any difference but I just bluntly lie saying I feel amazing so we can all move on. He asks me for a picture (which makes me suspect they do not have a lot of tourists in this part of the mountains) and then I am off my way. When we arrive to the hotel, my translator tells me I might feel sick tonight because all my shakras were opened and I received the holy spirits- my body might react to this new things inside. It takes all I have to not roll my eyes. I think to myself that clearly if I get sick it’s going to be because the water that came from god knows where, lady. l smile and thank her for the night instead of speaking my mind out loud. I go to bed and sleep very well, feeling just fine when I wakeup.

That feeling started to fade slowly away during the day but nothing to be concerned about just yet. It started raining a lot so I decided to just chill at the house until my photoshoot anyway. The photographer arrived and we started the shoot with me feeling less and less good but still being able to make it through. The guy was amazing. He was super professional, had a shit ton of great ideas and was funny and interesting. We stayed together about half an hour to discuss different topics at the end of the shoot. Then he left because the night was starting to settle and he had to drive about an hour to get home. I ordered a tuna steak, to try to get some energy to fight back what was slowly happening inside of me. I went bed early and wokeup several times during the night, with a sharp pain to my stomach, just under the boobs. Fast forward to the morning.

Im here on the toilet thinking about all the possible cause that led me to this very moment. Clearly, that’s the fucking Shaman’s water. I have to leave in 2 hours to get into a car in direction of my next hotel -a 3 hours drive- and I cannot visualize how this will be possible right now. It feels like I ate sharp glass. The pain is barely supportable. I text my hotel reception that I need them to get some medication for me (immodium and gravols) because otherwise I won’t make it through the drive. They come back to my room about 30min later with eucalyptus essential oil. What the fuck do you want me to do with this? “Rub it on your belly and think of the power you got yesterday and it will pass”. Ok.. there’s a cuteness in all that holistic bullshit but right now I am not in the mood to test the placebo effect. Just bring me real medicine, you know, the ones scientifically proven effective. “The pharmacy is closed today because it is Kuningan”. Fucking hell. I just can’t contain my laugh and I feel bad straight away. Okay, thank you. I rub the fucking oil on my tummy like if this was the gonna work. I guess it can’t make it worst, so at this point. Well an hour passes and it doesn’t make it better either. “Your driver is here”.

Fuck. That’s gonna be a wild ride.

MUNDUK

I hop on the car just before reminding my driver that I am sick and will probably make him stop a few times on the way- but that I will tip him in consequences. He says there is no problems. After about 7 minutes on the sinuous mountains roads, I have the feeling that this ride is going to be the worst I ever had. I am going from the mountains to the mountains- but 3 hours away. It means the roads will continue to be up and downs and sharp turns -a delight for someone feeling nauseous. My driver stops the car after 10 minutes: he found a pharmacy that is open. Omg, omg. I enter and asks for imodium and gravols with the distress of a woman about to shit her pants in my voice. The doctor tells me that he doesn’t have this but he has similar products. I take them- its better than nothing. I go back to the car but then my belly hurt so much that I need to go back to the pharmacy to ask to use their bathroom. Never in my life have I felt so low. I squat on the standing toilet, the sounds of roosters outside resonating through the thin walls and the flies trying to feast on my legs already shaking. Fucking Shaman. I stay there for about 10 minutes, cursing at my life and trying to not puke at the same time. I then go back to the car, apologizing to my driver again. During the next three hours, I make the poor man stop about 4 times -thankfully not on the side of the road but at different gaz stations on the way. Bali has a lot of that everywhere, even in the mountains. We finally arrive at the destination. I generously tip my driver and thank him again for his service and I am escorted by the hotel staff to my villa. I explain to them that I feel very sick and will probably need room service instead of going to the restaurant and they understand and tell me they will be there for me.

My next days are pure hell. I sleep a lot but not very well, i feel nauseous, cramps in the stomach, pain in my chest -like something is stuck. I go to the bathroom a lot and i barely eat -even though I try to force myself. The staff comes check on me every few hours and bring me water, white rice and bananas every morning. I feel safe, i just feel so sick and I can’t wait for it to be over. I miss my cat and my parents. On the rare times where my only symptom is pain in the chest, I sit on a chair outside and admire the view of the valley. Everything is so peaceful there. There is no pain in this painting. The moments where I have all the symptoms, i pass them on social media -watching back the stories of when I was healthy, checking my emails and what is next on my trip, closing my eyes and crying while thinking about my fluff (being everywhere but in the present moment).

On my last day, I still feel incredibly sick. I have to take a taxi to canggu (2 hours away) and the hotel staff agrees to bring me for a fee, instead. Like that, I can make them stop anywhere on the road. I thank them from the bottom of my heart. I go to the bathroom just before entering the car, but as I took some medication I am hopeful that this drive will go better than the one I took to arrive.

CANGGU

I didn’t make the car stop once, to both our surprise. But i felt more nauseous than I ever felt so far. I arrived at the surf Camp early afternoon and they were kind enough to give me the room before checkin time. I was able to go and try to nap a bit before walking to the clinic nearby.

By then, it was my 4th day being sick and it didn’t feel like the medication were doing anything. I was getting a bit concerned to get dehydrated and also just to know what the fuck I had. The clinic was 8 min by walk. I thought I could definitely make it. I started walking and about 5 min into it I realized that walking under the sun with a temperature close to 35 degree was way harder to do when sick and dehydrated. I barely made it to the door -thinking I would pass out every minute until then. I got greeted by two woman- a doctor and a nurse. I explained to them my symptoms and that I wanted a test to know what it was, but the doctor told me I should just take the IV and some medications instead. As I had just finished the medication against bacteria and it didnt worked- she suggested medications against parasites. I agreed because I had nothing left in me to fight. I sat in their chair, waiting for the nurse to prepare the IV. The clinic was small but clean and new. The a/c was blasting cold air that my body was in great need of. I felt a pinch in my left arm. The nurse already had inserted the needle -without washing my skin with any type of alcohol first. She plugged the solute in it and I started to get uncomfortable as I noticed some air bubbles in the IV tube. We are talking several huge bubbles here. I pointed it out and she then tried to pinch the tube to make the bubble go away. As my arm was connected to it, I told her to stop and to remove the tube right away. She called the doctor and they both tried to find a tube that would not generate bubbles. On the third try, they finally found one. She now wanted to inject me in the right arm. I saw my vein very clearly, but she missed it 2 times and at that point my trust in this woman ability had just completely vanished. I told her to stop. I was just going to take the oral medicine and leave -fuck the IV. Man, did I miss western medicine standards at that moment. I went back to the hotel, took the medicine and tried to go to sleep as my first surf session was the next morning and I really wanted to attend.

The next morning I was still very sick - I almost didn’t go to the lesson. It is the two german girls I was suppose to have the class with that convinced me to come anyway. Everyone was aware I would maybe make them stop mid-lesson or even mid-way on the drive to it. I agreed, putting all my faith in the medication that that was suppose to take effect within the next 30 minutes. I manage to get there without being sick, although i still felt very nauseous. The surf lesson started and damn it was hard. I had zero energy but it was so fun that I pushed my body to finish. I even stayed on my board a few times -i was so proud. It felt like a glimpse of light in a very dark week. We drove back to the camp and I had to concentrate not to get sick in the van. I went straight to the room, took a shower and went out to try to eat breakfast. Almost nothing came in -i was still too nauseous. I went to sleep and wokeup late afternoon. I decided to go chill on the bean bags in the common area. I met two guys over there. The first one was a dream on two legs. Very tall Lithuanian guy with long blond hair, a nice beard, bright blue eyes and covered in tattoos. He was a dev guy working remotely in the surf camp. We talked for a while and then he had to go back to work. The second guy was a super nice and funny guy that was not physically my kind but had such an amazing personality that he became charming instantly. I do not remember his name so I feel fucking awful, but i think it was something like Joe. He was a 28 years old english guy that was out of the UK for the first time in his life. He was hilarious and his laugh was so contagious, it felt great to be around him even though I didn’t feel good. That night, while everyone went out for drinks at a bar, Joe stayed at the camp with me and we watched the new Bay Watch while laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

I went bed around 10pm, still feeling sick but at least feeling less like I had miss my whole day.

The night was a real nightmare -i wokeup several times feelings nauseous. I had maybe 5 hours of sleep in total, waking up every now and then. The next morning I had to force myself again to attend the second lesson. I was excited because I knew I loved it, but my body was exhausted. Karo -the german girl doing the class with me- told me that the other girl was sick yesterday night so she bailed today’s class. We were only the two of us and we realized fast enough that the sea was in a different mood than the day before. It was violent. The waves were giant and the force of it kept dragging us under it. We struggled for the two hours to get back to where we were the day before -we felt like if we had made no progress at all. I was seeing how exhausted Karo was and I realized that I had to stop pushing my body like that if I wanted to heal. The class finished and I did the whole shower/lunch/nap thing over again. I crossed path with the lithuanian guy at lunch, and he asked if I would like to hangout tomorrow (as he was finally going to be done working). I told him that if I didn’t felt sick, i would be happy to. At night, i forced myself to go out for the beach/guitar jam -mainly because I had told Joe I would go and I did wanted to chill with him. We sat together at the beach and had amazing conversations about fear and how to break through it -and also several stupid conversations about every kind of topic. I liked his energy, his laugh and his view of the world. We sang some songs and went back to hotel for the bbq night. An old man sat next to me and started speaking non stop -both Joe and I couldn’t place a word. Around 10pm, I had to say bye because the surf lesson was early the next morning and I was starting to feel bad again. I didn’t do a big fuss about it, because I knew I would see Joe again the next day (it was going to be his last night at the camp, then).

The next day, i woke-up feeling more sick than I ever felt. It was even worse than my first day. I had still one day of medication to take, so I told myself that if I still felt like this by the next day- I would call back the doctor. The day was horrible- i wasn’t even able to go out of the room. I had to order room service to try to force myself to eat something. I was so in pain that I completely forgot it was Joe’s last day or that this Lithuanian guy was waiting on me for a potential date. Looking back, i do not care about the dreamy guy, really. I mainly regret not having the time to ask Joe’s contact, so we could keep in touch. He was truly an amazing human being.

The next morning I wokeup as sick as the day before. I texted the doctor immediately and they were in my room with an IV hooked to my arm a few hours later. I insisted for them to do test so they draw some blood and a poop sample. They gave me lots of anti nausea medication via the IV and about two hours later, they left. My whole interaction with the doctor left me thinking she wasn’t the most competent person ever (she told me not to eat bananas although google and common sense tells you its part of the brat food and what you should eat). At least, the IV helped a bit and although I was still feeling pain in my chest, I didn’t had any other symptoms by then. I was finally able to go chill outside my room and even went to see the sunset on the beach.

The next morning, I had a tour of Ubud and was ready to finally have some adventure. I still felt a bit nauseous but it was minimal and my driver was also aware -so I felt like everything was going to be ok. He picked me up at 8h30 and we drove about one hour to go visit a temple. I had some amazing discussion with the guide about how ceremonies are part of the economy for balinese people and what were the differences between temples and a few surrounding village’s festivities. We then went to see an art village that felt like a tourist trap and I told him to skip the others. We drove to a waterfall and then to the monkey forest where I made a new friend (a monkey) and walked around for about 2 hours. Then he brought me to a rice-field terrace and I was attached to a swing and launched in the void. I hated every seconds of it and told them to stop several time (they couldn’t care less). Finally got to the car for the 2 hours drive back, as my body was starting to feel sick again. We managed to arrive to the hotel without any stops and I instantly passed out in my bed.

The next morning, I woke-up feeling fine -finally. I had absolutely no symptoms other then being very tired. We’ll take that as a progress. Around 11, I ordered a grab to Ubud -where I was going to be staying 3 nights in two different luxurious villas.

UBUD

I arrived at the villa early afternoon. I was greeted by the staff who put a flower ornement around my neck and showed me around the magnificent property. “We were able to upgrade you”. What. Nice! My room was a suite to die for, a bohemian style mixte with extravagant luxury. The bathroom was open-air and the bath was on the balcony - overseeing the jungle canyon. I was speechless. I ordered food to the room and relaxed on the balcony -taking in the beautiful landscape. Then, romantic music started to play and I noticed that I could see the main lobby’s pool from here. It was covered in flowers that were writing “would you marry me?”. Tears came out of my eyes, this was too beautiful. Being an eternal romantic, I wished to myself that one day someone would do something like this for me. I texte the staff to order a bottle of champagne for the couple and a piece of chocolate cake for me -so I could forget how lonely I was right now. They laughed and delivered both orders. Turns out I was upgraded because the guy didn’t want the girl to spoil the surprise by seeing it from the room’s balcony. They took my intended room instead, which was still cute but way less impressive -but had no view of the lobby. I passed the day walking around the property and resting everywhere I could find with a view. I got a massage late PM and took a bath while stargazing after. Some of the constellations were new to me, and i was in awe. I had the best night of sleep and woke-up energized the next morning.

After an epic brunch on my terrace, I took a taxi to my even more fabulous next hotel. It was a lavish resort with infinity pools mimicking the rice fields in the area. We could see the Agung volcano emerging from the jungle and a kayon that was giving it’s name to the hotel. I stayed all day and night in the resort, trying to relax and use as much of the facility that I could. At night, I had an idea for an animated movie and even made myself cry thinking about it. It sparked my passion back for the film industry and I decided to make it my next goal -after the round the world. The next morning, I had a private driver pick me up at 8h30. We went to the mountains to admire one of the volcano (mount Batur) and then drove through more mountains and small villages to get to savannah nusu. It was behind the volcano Agung -a savannah looking part of the island that was sprinkled with massive volcanic rocks -remnants of an eruption decades earlier. Then, we took the car to a typical balinese village lost in the mountains. It was absolutely breathtaking. I had the best day learning to know my driver and his lovely island. I arrived on time to have dinner at the resort and to take a bath before sleep.

The next morning I wokeup early to go out of the resort in search of the perfect spot to take Mount Agung in picture. I stayed out for about an hours before coming back to a very surprised hotel staff. I guess they aren’t used to guest venturing out of the resort. I showed them my pictures and they all loved it, becoming less nervous every swap on my screen. I had breakfast and lunch and then ordered a taxi for my last night back in Canggu.

CANGGU

I arrived in my hostel in Canggu and thanked the god it was my last night because the room was a total shit hole. There was 8 beds in the dorm, all of them being questionable in cleanliness. There was only one bathroom -without toilet paper, and without a toilet seat too. The a/c didn’t work and there was no curtains on the windows or around the beds. I dropped my bags and decided to go in a coffee shop i saw not too far- there was no way for me to hangout here without turning insane. I chilled a few hours at the coffee shop, writing my blog, until Simon (an IG friend made via tinder earlier on the trip) showed up at the shop. We talked about our background and drank a coffee/coconut and it was time for him to leave for a sport session. Simon was very charming, although his stories about business struggle made me think about the tinder swindler, at first. Someone that presents very well and knows how to sell himself -but with a darker side lurking in the shadows of it’s social media. Simon was definitely very brillant and inspiring, and it was too early to formulate a real judgement on his person, but it appear to me at first that he had a succession of bad judgement more than bad luck. Nevertheless, he seems very mature and made me laugh a lot- and in other circumstances I would have love to know more about who he really was and how all of this made him the person he is today. I started walking on a street in direction of the beach, when another IG friend (this one made via a band I follow -he is their drummer and was coming to bali for a month) poked me and asked that I joined them for a night out in town. I took a grab and met them at their hostel. Gab (the drummer) was covered in tattoos and had a very stoic resting face (he looked pissed-off, but he wasn’t). He appeared very shy to me or maybe a bit anxious, even. His friend, (also Gab, but let’s call him Gabriel for the sake of clarity) was the perfect opposite. He was very outgoing, always a smile on his face -and always singing the lyrics of whatever song was playing in the background. We drank one glass at the hostel bar and then walked to Old Men’s bar for one more. There was a beer-pong contest in the back and we all felt pretty old compare to the median age of the crowd. We walked to a restaurant nearby that had amazing live music and sat for more than a third of their set. The meal was good and the music even better. We then walked back to Old Men’s that had now fully turned into a dance club. We decided to go dance for about an hour -it was fun but hot and also the guys in the crowd were fucking sharks. The Gabs helped me a few time by being protective and letting people know I was with them -something I was very happy about. After our dance session was over, we part ways because I had to take a grab back to my hostel and try to sleep a bit. I was going to have to sleep in the plane the next night, so I wanted to at least have a bit of rest before. Unfortunately, when I arrived in the room, there was a guy that was coughing his lungs out like he had the three covid variants all at once. God, i hate people some times. You are in a dorm, keep your fucking germs. Anyway, so i didnt slept much.

I wokeup early the next morning to go to another coffee shop and work on my blog. It was going to rain all day, so I then decided to call a grab and make my way back to the airport waaaay early for a 10pm flight. I passed my day at the airport, writing my blog and people watch. I was quitting Asia with a big heart and my head full of memories and a regain of passion for my work. My next stop, hopefully, was going to bring as more surprises as I had here in Bali.

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