ZERMATT

With every train station passing by, the landscape became more and more impressive. The valleys and lakes turned into mountains with snow peaks merging with the clouds. You could almost hear the sound of the waterfalls, crashing down to meet the crystal clear rivers where they would go to die. I was staying for three nights in this area, and something inside of me already knew that it was going to be magical. The train stopped at Zermatt’s station, about 3 hours after the beginning of my journey. 

The air was crisp and it was very windy, but the enchanting town was leaving me only with a feeling of warmth. I walked through the main street, to reach my hotel that was near the church, in the centre. It almost felt like I was walking in a gingerbread house’s village. The small cottages, mostly made of wood, were charmingly crooked and all compacted next to another. It smelled like brewed coffee infused with the freshness of a morning, just after a snowstorm. I checked in my hotel and decided to use the great weather to climb up to the Matterhorn. This iconic mountain was already visible from downtown, gracing me by it’s splendour. It was about an hour thirty of cable-cars to arrive to the top, and the whole journey was getting colder by the minute. The view was gorgeous, though. The greenery around slowly switching to an infinite white desert, covered with melting glaciers that were tragically reminding us what the future was holding. I stayed about two hours on the top, admiring the view and eating some Switzerland delicacies. Another hour and an half later, I was back in the small town, below. I was starting to get hungry, so I decided to walk around in search of the perfect spot. On the same street of my hotel, I passed in front of a lovely restaurant (I first thought it was an Inn) that was promising a cozy atmosphere with it’s fireplace taunting me from inside. I was about to enter when I saw a sign saying it wasn’t open before 18H30. It was 17H30, and I was damn hungry, so I decided to continue walking in search of another place. I walked about thirty minutes, not finding anything that was feeling as perfect as that first location, so I decided to go back and wait that it opens. I sat on the flat top of a rock wall, people-watching, in the meantime. When the clock turned 18H30, I walked inside. There was something cinematographic about entering this place, like the switch of a whole set happening between the lobby and the door. The cold blue light of outside giving place to the cosy ambiance of inside, a darker yet warmer atmosphere. And then, you appeared.

Tall, handsome, looking at me with your bright blue eyes, passing your hand though your blond hair. You greeted me, showing me where to go to remove my seventeen layers of clothes. You were witty and sassy, and you made me laugh with your comments on how overdressed I was. You sat me at a table, next to the fire. I texted Rali that I chose the restaurant wisely: the staff was incredibly appealing. I studied you, while you went back to work. You looked polish, professional -yet I could see a chest tattoo poking up from your shirt collar and two small piercings (one on your nose, one on the tragus of your ear) revealing an interesting side of your person. You intrigued me. And I thought you were so damn hot. I tried to make eye contact, but you gave me nothing back. You didn’t even came to take my order -someone else did. I noticed two other guys, the cook and someone with longer hair, watching me from their stations. But you, you were just working without even glancing at my table. Maybe you weren’t intrigued as much as I was. But then, you came with my order and I couldn’t resist to make my interest more obvious to you. You gave me my plate. I looked straight in your eyes an said “beautiful”. I am pretty sure you knew I wasn’t speaking about the steak. You came back once, to ask if everything was good. And then once more, to make a witty comment, again. I thought to myself that I couldn’t leave without asking your number. Came the time to pay and put my clothes back on, and you appeared in the room and asked me some questions. I asked you back. You were from Germany, but established here, in Zermatt. I knew this was the perfect time to ask. At that moment, I was pretty sure there was an interest from your side too. I put my last layer on and was about to dare, but I saw you glance at the door, to see if some new clients were coming in -and I don’t know why, it made me froze. I didn’t want to put you in an awkward situation. What if I misinterpreted and just projected my interest. What if you were just plain professional right now. “I am only here for one night. Is there any place I can go to meet people?” That’s absolutely NOT what I wanted to say. But hep, I said it anyway. You suggested one street, not too far, and then I thanked you and I left. 

I was walking on the street, and for the five minutes from your restaurant to my hotel, I kept thinking that I was going to regret this. Why didn’t I ask your number. Why did I froze, that’s so stupid. Fuck that. I am going back. I am going to walk back in this restaurant, look you straight in the eyes and tell you that if this trip has thought me something, it’s that if you don’t take the risk, you loose the chance -so I’m taking it. I was almost to my hotel when I decided to walk back. I rehearsed my speech, on the way to your restaurant, but as I got closer and closer, the confidence started to give more space to the stress. I spotted a club, on the corner of the street just before, and decided to enter for a shot of liquid courage. 

There was loud music reaching the street, and an outside bar on a kind-of veranda -the perfect place to order quickly before going back to my mission. “One glass of rhum and coke, please”. I wanted to order a shot, but my mouth asked for something slower to drink -to push away the dreadful moment a bit more. Once I got the glass, I spotted a group of people and decided to ask if I could joined them. Everything to change my mind of what I was about to do next. The group took me in, warmly. There were two brothers, from Catalonia, two girls (one was Swiss -the girlfriend of one of the brother, the other one was from Czechia) and two other guys that I was going to end up knowing more, later on. I stayed outside with them, drinking somewhat slowly and getting to know them all with some witty comments. They made me feel relaxed again, so that was a win. After about thirty minutes, one of the girl told me she was looking for a nice place for them to have dinner tonight -it was one of the brothers mom’s birthday. Instantly, you reappeared in my thoughts. “So I went for dinner in that lovely place, earlier. I was about to go back to ask this very hot manager for his phone number, maybe you can join and you can ask the staff if there would be availability for your group later?”, I said.  “Girl, i fucking love this. Let’s go”. She was now even more excited than I was stressed, but weirdly it made me feel better to have someone there with me. We walked back in your restaurant. You weren’t there. “Hm, Hello?” I turned back. It was you. Looking damn confused by me being back. Fuck. Now I am wondering why I came back. To be fair your reaction made sense, I too would be quite shocked. Specifically after almost an hour since I left. “I am bringing you clients, lol” And here we go, I froze again. That helpful girl took over, now asking you if you had place for them later on. You both had a whole conversation while I was just standing there, in complete silence -literally as frozen as the mountains outside. The girl was done. You both looked at me. She damn knew I was supposed to ask you out. But she also saw that this wasn’t going to happen. She grabbed my arm, we said bye, we left the place. “Wtf, girl. I thought you wanted to ask him out”. “I did but have you seen him. Tall, handsome, tattooed, with an attitude -that’s my kryptonite, I don’t know what to tell you.” She laughed. I did too, but deep down I already regretted. And there was no coming back a third time. I called defeat, for that night, at least. Maybe I could go back tomorrow, I was going to sleep on that, later. But right now, I was going back to the bar with my new crew. And I was going to drink a bit more to forget my absolute cowardliness.

We moved the party inside the bar. Shots and drinks were coming, from everywhere. There was a band playing on a small stage and we danced for hours, drinking and laughing.  At some point, the guy with the dreads kissed me, while I was waiting for my drink at the bar. It wasn’t his fault, but I had no interest whatsoever. I still had you in my mind. One of the girl looked angry, or maybe sad. I realized that she was into him. The perfect escape from that situation. I tried to make her tell him how she felt. She didn’t want to, but she admitted. They were now about to leave for the restaurant. Your restaurant. They wanted me to come, but I didn’t wanted to go. The two other guys (not the brothers) didn’t want to go either. I tagged along with them, was about to say bye to go in my hotel but I had lost my room card. I needed to pee badly, so we all ended up in the champagne bar, at the end of the road. I decided to stay for a drink, after I had peed (and found back my card). We talked for about two hours, about that same girl that looked angry earlier. Turned out that one of the guy was actually really into her. They had kissed a few days ago, and he didn’t knew she was into the guy with dreads. Drama alert. After two more drinks, I was starting to get more than tipsy and also kind of tired. The second guy, Michel, was flirting with me and I wasn’t closed to the idea. But you were still in my mind, no one matching the feeling I had when I saw you. Michel and I ended up kissing, but then i asked them to walk me back home and I went back to my room, alone -even though Michel wanted to come up. In another situation, it could have certainly happened. I had a hot shower, drank a shit-ton of water (to prevent the coming hangover) and felt asleep quickly.

The next morning, I woke up with the idea to find you online. I am writing this article as the writers from YOU season 1, because that’s how I felt by trying to search you on facebook. I didn’t even knew your name. My search wasn’t successful, obvisouly. A very short stalker career. I laughed, closed facebook and told myself that I would have to take my courage and come to your restaurant again, tonight. Or just do nothing, and move on. But then, my phone buzzed with a Tinder alert. I opened the app, and there you were. The first card. As fucking hot in your pictures as in my memories. Your name was Christian. I froze, yet again. Kinda surprised by how life was being so helpful right now. I swapped right. It’s a match. I would like to apologize to the tinder gods for always talking shit about this app: you just helped a homie that missed her chance, twice. Thank. You. Tinder. “Damn it, I should have def ask for your number before leaving that restaurant”, I wrote. “I told you I was only here one night, but I’m staying in St-Niklaus for two more (which I have just learned is very near). Do you want to hangout?”. I looked again at your profile. It says you like travel, board sports and wine. You are 31 and you’re a Libra. I never believed in astrology, but I must confess it feels like all the planets have aligned on this one.

I went out for a walk. I wanted to explore the town, while it was still clear outside. I also had to switch hotel to go to St-Niklaus, but as my new crew had told me the night before, I needed to reconsider because there was nothing to do over there. I would prob end up needing to take the train back to Zermatt every morning, to enjoy the town and the mountains around. “Morning. I should have asked for your’s tho”. It’s you. “I had a big night before and was like damn, I’m def not going out tonight. But yes, I’d like to hangout”. Have I thank Tinder, already? I think it deserves another gratitude comment. I asked your social, so we can continue speaking there -and make an arrangement. You were already at work, but we chatted a while and you gave me some recommendations of what to do for the day. We made the plan to recontact each-other tonight, after your work -we would see each-other if you weren’t too tired by then. I decided to cancel my nights in St-Niklaus and stay in Zermatt instead. I went out to Sunnegga, the peak of a mountain you recommended to me, had lunch and worked a bit on my blog. Went back down, ate a delicious meal in an Italian restaurant, walked around town and made my way back to my new hotel. I finished watching the last season of YOU (very disappointing) and then looked at the time. It was almost 23H. I had a feeling that you would probably be too tired to meet tonight, but I still asked. “Hey pretty boy, how’s the long work day going?” You replied that you were going to be done around midnight, but you were feeling sick and tired so you were going to go straight home. We could meet the next morning, for coffee or lunch. I texted Rali, who by now knew everything about the story. She texted back: “No way. This guy can sleep tomorrow”. It made me laugh. She was right. We didn’t go through all of this for nothing. I wrote you back. “Well, that’s a shame. Would have loved catching up in a more private setup. I’m only here for two nights, so thats your call *insert evil emoji*”. Rali got the details, in live, getting me even more excited with every turn of events. “So what do you propose?”, you asked. “Well, we almost missed the opportunity, twice. I say we meet tonight and you sleep tomorrow”. I knew I was making it hard to resist. That was the point. “You are right. Sleeping is for the dead. Where are you right now?”. I gave you my address. You told me you were going to stop at your place, to take a shower, then take a taxi to come over -with a bottle of wine. I couldn’t believe I made you change your mind and as I realized that you were actually coming here, my whole femme fatale act dropped to give place to panic. “Rali, I froze twice in front of this guy. I’m a bit stressed”. “Imagine him. He’s probably gonna cut his balls trying to shave them too fast. You chase or you don’t. Assume your role. You got this”. I swear this girl is my soulmate. She made me laugh and brought back my confidence with one single text. “I’m here”. It’s him. Fuck. Okay, I got this.

I go down the stairs, walk to the entrance door and unlock it. And there you are. Damn, you are beautiful. I let you in. We hug. The kind of hug that promise a night of great sex. “Hi, stranger”, I say, laughing. “Hey, I’m Christian”. “I’m Steph, nice to meet you”. We go up with the elevator, I unlock the room and let you in. The lights are dimmed, music is playing -I made my homework. You sit on a chair, while I sit on the bottom of the bed, close enough to be able to touch you, later on. You open the wine bottle and pour some in each glass. We cheers, visibly both of us are nervous. We start drinking and talking. I already told you that I was about to come back to your restaurant to get your number, now, you are telling me how you lived through the same story. You tell me that every guy in the restaurant thought I was hot. One of them even went up from his usual station, a few times. You asked him why he was up so often, but you knew the answer. I laughed. I tell you that I had noticed them, and that it was flattering. You tell me that you also thought I was hot, but you were shy. You are, sometimes. So you made extra effort not to look at me. I laugh. I tell you that because you gave me nothing, I thought you weren’t interested and I got nervous about asking your number. You tell me that you were surprised, when I came back the second time. You wondered if now, you should have asked my number. You were about to, but that girl pulled me out of the restaurant. We both laugh. And then, you lean towards me. We kiss. A kiss that makes all my body shiver. A throwback to my teenage years -butterflies in my belly, my heart skipping a beat. I can tell you, that’s the best kiss I had in ages. Usually, and based on my round the world analysis, first kisses kinda suck. People are too fast, too intense, too much tongue right away -like they don’t take the time to just know your face for 5 seconds, before jumping full on. But you. You are perfect. Your kisses are sensual, slowly increasing in passion and it drives me crazy. I just want to jump on you right now. But I know the game, so I gently push you away. We continue talking. We talk about some of our accidents, about travels we made, plans we have for the future. Every other subject, we stop to kiss again, and it’s more and more hard to resist. I think all travellers would agree that a limited time frame intensifies things. “What sign are you?”, you ask. “Oh no. I liked you”, I laugh. “I don’t believe in astrology. Do you?”. You tell me no, but I tease you about it, because you just asked for my sign. You tell me you are a Libra, and it makes you someone focus on balance. I might not believe in astrology, but that’s a good information to have. I do believe that having balance in life is the most important thing. I ask you about my sign, not because I believe my birth month can define my whole personality, but because I want to know what you think of me. You aren’t falling for it. And we are done on wine, so you stand from the chair and come sit on the bed, next to me. I can feel my heart racing, it’s going so fast that it would prob win against Paul Walker. We start kissing again, pulling each-other closer and closer. There is no way to tell how cold it is outside, but this room is getting increasingly hotter. There is something electrical about us, together. It just fit, perfectly, from the kisses to the touches, to having you inside me. I am not sure where the time is going, but after the fourth time of us having sex, I catch a glimpse at it and it’s now 4AM. We try to calm down, in between each session, but the attraction we have for each-other makes it impossible. We end up talking, laying in each-others arms, your hand stroking me and mine playing with your hair. This whole thing is perfect. From beginning to end. The almost missed opportunity, the fitting personalities, the amazing sex and the romantic night cuddling, after. You are my hallmark movie, except that the end isn’t going to be that perfect love story. You are here and I am not meant to be. I am just passing through. But tonight, this is not important. Tonight I want to live this romantic fairy tale, as if it was going to end with an happy forever and after. I want to be in the present moment and act as if you are the one, because tonight -you are. We both know this relationship is finite, so we both give ourselves to it completely. There is something sad about this whole encounter, but I cannot feel anything but gratitude and peace. I fall asleep in your arms, with a smile on my face.

We wakeup around 11AM, still in each-others arms. We start kissing, and instantly that electricity comes back. I swear to god, if I had found you in Montreal, I would never let you go. It feels like we know each-other since forever, like this doesn’t feel like a one night. It’s almost weird to think about the fact it is. We make love one last time, and then we stay for another hour, cuddling and talking about everything. There’s a part of me that is happy to leave. You are danger. I know I would fall for you, if we would be dating on a longer period. I need to go. I stand and starts dressing up. “I am hungry”. It takes us another hour to get ready, because we keep kissing and hugging and just slowing the time down so we could stay together, longer. But you work in a few hours. And I really need to push you away right now. I need to remind myself that this is a perfect chapter, but nothing more. We walk to the busy street, where all the restaurants are. You were about to leave but you change your mind, you are going with me. We sit outside. The air is cold, but the sun is warming us. “Are you okay?”, you ask. “Yes. I am enjoying the present moment”, I answer. Maybe I look sad. I am not, really. Well, maybe a tiny bit. We all know by now that I am an eternal helpless romantic. This night. You. This was absolutely perfect. This is, absolutely perfect. A part of me is sad that this is about to end. I am dreaming of this perfect love story, where I finally find my person. And our story has nothing to envy the ones from movies:  A rich workaholic girl goes to a small ski-resort town in the Swiss Alps. She meet an handsome restaurant/Inn manager. They almost miss their chance, twice. Then by some sort of miracle, still manage to meet and deeply fall in love. Well, that last part is what the movies are. The cruel reality is that there is no time for us to fall. There is just enough for us to wonder. So, I chose to be grateful instead. I chose to appreciate this moment and to thank life for that perfect chapter. You stand up and go inside, to the bathroom. You come back a few minutes later, and you kiss me. Why are you so damn perfect. “I paid. Let’s go”. A gentlemen, until the last minute. We walk up to the middle of the street. I thank you. We kiss. We hug, a longer one. A goodbye one. We kiss one last time, before parting ways. I walk back to my hotel, feeling contented. I truly thank life for this awesome episode. You were perfect, from beginning to end, and this is going to be a memory I will keep forever. Who knows, when I am an old lady, i’ll maybe be telling the tale of that perfect german boy I once met, in the Swiss Alps, during my round the world.

I walk back to the hotel for a quick nap, before going back out to take a train to Gornergrat. I pass my afternoon on the top of this glacier, just taking the time to process everything. This city was truly magical. After a few hours, I go back down and almost fall asleep in the train. I stop to eat a cheese fondue in that same restaurant we had lunch at, and then I walked to my hotel and fall asleep, almost instantly.

I wakeup to several texts from you -you sent them around midnight, when you got back home from work. You were starting to get sick, before joining me the night before, and it hadn’t gone better since. You ask me when I am leaving. I answer that my train leaves at 12h40. I invite you to meet me before, if you are awake -but I know you aren’t. I know we will miss each-other. I go out, to the train, and there is a gentle snow storm outside. I smile. Couldn’t it be more magical? I fantasize about you meeting me at the train station, us kissing goodbye under the snowflakes, the perfect picture. But I know, this isn’t going to happen. And that doesn’t make this whole encounter less than perfect. I stop at a coffee shop. I have lunch there and then I hop on my train. I leave Zermatt with feelings all over the place. But mainly, I leave it grateful and satisfied. I met many kings, during this round the world, but it was the most beautiful story I have lived -so far. And you are to thank for.