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So I got drunk by accident at the airport. I went for my last japanese sushis and ordered a glass of lemon sour thinking it was like lemonade and to my defence- It did taste like lemonade. But it was in fact pure soju (a strong and dangerous alcool tasting exactly like juice). I only noticed when i stood up -and after googling if you could get drunk from eating too many sushis. I was early at the airport because my hotel check-out was at 11 -so I had time to wait it out before the flight. It was sunny every day while I was in Japan and now that I was about to leave, there was wind, high surf warnings and a lot of rain - everything to make me comfortable as I was about to hop on a tiny plane for 6 hours above water. The flight was now in the air and i was struggling to make the tv in front of me work. I was allowed to play a movie but it was stopping every 10 minutes for no actual fucking reason. I remember hoping that the rest of the plane worked better than the screen. After a few minutes, they served us a meal that was actually quite good -but i wondered from what point in this trip do I need to stop eating raw fruits. I mean let’s face it, in 6 months there will surely be an article on how I shit myself in a bus or behind a bush somewhere in a remote village, but hopefully this wouldn’t be in Vietnam, and most of all, not from the fruits served in the plane. I decided to skip it and go straight for the delicious-looking chocolate cake. I took a big bite, the choco-hoe that I am being so excited. What the fuck. It wasn’t chocolate. It was red beans paste… why in the hell do they do that. It’s around 8pm now (not even mid-flight yet), and the pilot asks for a doctor on the intercom. One of the passenger in first class passed out and felt face front on the ground. We didn’t knew if he was breathing or not. They asked several time and no one seemed to show up. The last message announce an emergency landing in China. Fuck. I am getting a bit anxious , because i did do my red cross emergency first aid class before the trip and I honestly don’t feel like having my first hands-on experience in a flight with people who don’t even spoke my language… but I am also not very keen of landing in China. I stand up. I show my card to the flight attendant. My heart is racing. “It’s ok, we found doctor”. Thank the motherfucking lord. I sit down. Everyone waits. The guy is ok, no emergency landing in the end. We finally arrive in Vietnam. The customs don’t even glance at my papers, I go in like water through a net. My hotel is suppose to pick me up so I go outside to wait. To my surprise, it is very calm. I think I was expecting it to be a bit like in Mexico where everyone comes to you to offer you a ride. But no, everyone is minding their own business. I wait. After about 40 minutes without a trace of my transport i am starting to get a bit stressed out. I go inside and ask someone at the counter to call my hotel. They say the guy is there. I go back outside and yes, he is there -now. I hop in the car with him and finally arrive at my hotel. I’m excited to sleep as it it getting late, but the receptionist has bad news. He says they had a problem with my room -they now want to transfer me to another hotel for the night. His “friend” will transport me on a moto- free of charge. Excuse me, what? This sound very sketchy and like a perfect plan for me to get rob or rape in an alley. I ask if there is any other solutions and he tells me no. I have no choice, unless i want to try to find another hotel. I look at the “friend” transport. I guess the part of my brain that should be nervous is more slightly annoyed. I warn them that if i get in trouble i’m gonna make them pay. They look at me knowing well i’m not joking right now. I hop on the bike and about 10min later i’m in the other hotel. With all my belongings and clothes. I shower and instantly fall alseep -i mean after putting a glass on my doorknob thanks to a tiktok “home-made hotel security” video i saw earlier. The next morning, i laugh when I see the glass. Come-on Steph, everything is fine. I decide to go walk outside to prove to myself that this is not a country in civil war. I walk for about an hour before stopping in a cafe. An old Italian befriend me instantly, telling me all about his month in Vietnam. He pays for my food without me noticing -now I feel like I owe him something. He asks if I saw the lake nearby. I say no, and he gets excited to show me. I don’t feel like he is dangerous. He gives me a grandpa vibe -someone who just wants to have a conversation. I walk with him around the lake. It’s fine but he keeps stopping when he talks, which is starting to get on my nerve. I am not very patient. Now he wants to go to the temple, at the end of the lake. I agree and pay for both our tickets. We go around the temple and then I say that I need to leave. He wants to walk me back to my hotel. I say no. What the fuck. He gets the message. We part ways. I go back to the hotel to get my stuff ready for the transfer. The hotel arranged a car to send me back to the first intended location. When I arrive, i get a very good room. I go to the lobby and ask if there are any moto tours of the city. I arrange one- pick up at 2. When he arrive, my guide is so smiley. I like him already. I hop on his bike and we start the tour. It’s about 5 hours and i feel very safe, all about wonder. When my guide does facial expression he makes me think of Jason Mendoza from The Good Place. I just love this show. I’m having so much fun. My guide’s name is Kenlly. He is younger than me and tells me he never took one single day to travel. He cannot afford it. He loves his job though, he says that’s kinda travelling because he gets to meet so many people from all over the world. He is so humble and wise. He talks about Vietnamese being happy and lucky. I look around and see poor areas, but he says there is always people that are poorer. They don’t have homelessness. They have houses -even though modest. A part of me feels bad for being able to see the world and taste the luxury. It is not fair. He deserves everything I can have. But just because he was born in this country, he cannot have it. But he doesn’t seems to mind. He looks happy. I have a huge admiration for who he is. His soul is old, he as grasped more about life than some of the oldest people I know. We go for drinks to talk a bit more. I say “just one” for about 6 beer. It makes me laugh. I think about the og rigging team. Kenlly asks me if family violence exists in the Western countries. I say yes. I know of some, personally. I tell the story of how my mom grew up to an abusive father. He talks about what’s happening in his family too. I feel blessed to be able to share this conversation with a stranger. To be able to be vulnerable and see vulnerability -two people from the other side of the world, with completely different lives, yet some of the same struggle. We call each-other friends. We know we are. Then it’s time to say goodbye, because i have a tour leaving early morning the next day. I am touched by the encounter. I go to bed praying for everything good to happen in his life. The next morning i take a tour direction Ninh Binh. It’s raining a lot for a dry season. We arrive at the first spot and grab some bicycles. We bike to a temple, in the mountains -it’s breathtaking. We come back after about an hour. The next stop is a boat tour on the river. It’s so calm I almost fall asleep. The only thing keeping me awake is the fact i’m soaking wet and the boat is slippery. 2 hours and we are on the way to our last stop: a temple above the clouds. I race up with my new friends - the Rachits. Two brothers from India, both named Rachit, that are loud yet very young and funny. I feel exhausted. Everything is slippery, everything is soaking wet. Vietman doesn’t stop shit because of rain. Boat, moto, dangerous hikes - it’s business as usual. I finally make it to the top. It’s amazing. It’s frightening. It’s showing us we are alive. I go back down , my legs shaking. The bus ride is almost silent. Everyone is exhausted but happiness is palpable. I get drop off to my hotel and go straight to the shower to replace the cold rain with hot water. Then i go out to eat, and i taste my first egg coffee. It’s so fucking good, so smooth and creamy. I walk back, the street is so crowded because it’s the world cup. I am happy. I love Vietnam. I fell asleep as soon as i arrive, knowing that this country has still tons to teach me.


As everything else, my bus was late by one hour. I would later learn that every plans in Vietnam are 100% not going to work as you would expect- but they still all worked anyhow. The man in charge of calling all the buses was a bit older than me and very much flirty. I was trying to stay polite while gently pushing him away. The bus finally arrived and to my surprise it was one of these bus that looks like a capsule hotel on wheels. I remember thinking that was pretty cool- thought I would later regret while taking my second gravol in two hours. I got assigned to one of the upper bed. In theory, you can make the bed go into a sitting position but in practice that position doesn’t work for someone taller than 5feet. I still tried. The beginning of the trip was fine. Then about two hours in, we got to the mountains and the bus started to shake a lot. It took about 5 min and i felt dizzy. Fuck, that’s gonna be a long ride. I took one gravol and tried to lie down. Nope, doesn’t work. I waited a bit. I took another gravol - cause if not, we arent gonna make it. Then i felt asleep and woke up about 10min before arriving to Sapa. Pretty sure it’s not healthy but I would strongly recommend this trick anyway. I got drop at the station and got told to hop on a car with a bunch of other travellers. We are getting dropped at our hotels free of charges. I am the last one getting out. My hotel is out of this world. A mixte of haute couture and hill tribe style - nostalgia of the 1920-30s French Indochine era. Every single details in it is sophisticated and grandiose. I check in: “you have a suite with us today, madam”. That’s thanks to Steph from the past- she planned this years ago. Me of the present is pretty happy about it, and when i open the door to the suite I’m absolutely mind-blowned. I have never in my life stayed into something as luxurious and lavish. I mean I could live in this place, it’s like a mini mansion. It take me about 10min to take-in the inside, before daring to step out on the balcony. There are clouds covering the entire valley- but it will be sunny tomorrow and I know my brain is about to explode from the view I will get. But now, it’s time to eat something to try to wear off these gravols. I go up to the restaurant. What the actual fuck. This place is a palace. The restaurant is on the 10th floor- windows all around- and although we are currently in the clouds, the interior is so well designed and impressive that I do not mind staying in. I take a pho, it’s fine but not the best I had. Then i go explore a bit Sapa town. I walk to a coffee shop down a hill- there are sculptures everywhere so tourists can take pictures for their social medias. There is almost no one. A lady is renting dresses so I decide to get one because i am currently wearing leggings- not quite the same effect for an ig picture. The coffee taste horrible and i miss the egg one I had in Hanoi. I need to go back to get one there, for sure. I wonder around and take my pictures. A group of Vietnamese ladies are following me and we take pictures of each-others. I can’t understand what they are saying but one of them is so sassy and funny. After about an hour i’m done and decide to go back up the hill. It’s harder than going down, let me tell you. How am i not in shape yet, ive been doing so many steps a day for the past weeks.. what the f. I’m now panting and decide to go back to the hotel and chill. I take a bath and it feels amazing. The luxury of just deciding to do nothing. I fall asleep not long later and wakeup refresh and ready to discover more.

I go down in search of a motorbike tour. Can’t find anything in the streets (they mainly just rent motos but I don’t feel comfy to drive it alone yet). I google and find a website with a whatsapp number. I text the company and they tell me they have availability right now. I want to go to the mountains to see the waterfalls and also visit cat cat village. It’s going to cost me 28$… A part of me feels bad that this is so cheap. Someone is giving me their time to bring me everywhere I want. I decide to go and give a huge tip later on. Not going would mean not giving them any money in the end- and unfortunately the lack of tourists due to covid is still very apparent so I am guessing they need this. The guy text me that his collegue will come pick me up. I wait about 5 min and someone arrives. He doesnt speak a lot of english. I hop on his bike. He stops about 3 min later in front of a bike shop. He tells me his wife will do the tour, not him. Oh, okay? Nothing is ever what you get told at first here. You just need to go with it. The lady arrive and she hop on the bike. She speaks better english. We start driving up and I feel very calm and safe. She knows what she is doing. After about 30min drive we are in the mountains and it’s starting to rain. We put our jackets and continue to the first waterfall spot. There is not a single soul in view. I trek for about 15 up and back. The waterfall is very impressive but the trek to it- not quite so. I hop back on the moto and we arrive to a national park. The lady tells me she is going to wait for me. I have no idea how long this trek will be. The entrance guy gives me a very small paper with the path printed on it. It’s raining so the paper is already all broken up, but i can see only 2 places where the path splits. Should be all good- always keep right. I start the trek. It stops raining at the same time but everything is foggy. We are inside a cloud. I arrive to the first fork in the road: stay right. It’s so eerie, a bit spooky. Everything is quiet, as if everything was trying to see with their ears. There is absolutely no one in the park. I even pass an abandoned building with a graffiti on it’s door. Second fork: stay right. It’s been about 30min now and I finally arrive at the waterfall. It is beautiful. I stay there for a bit and then come back on my steps. First fork: right (the left one is where i come from). There shouldn’t be any other fork now- according to the plan. But 5 min later there is a fork in the road. No indication what so ever. I take left, because right seems to be from where the waterfall is- and if i keep going right i’m just gonna do a circle. I walk for about 5min when I pass a Vietnamese sign that oddly looks familiar. I continue for a bit and i arrive at the same abandoned building i passed earlier. I know it’s the same cause it’s the same graffiti on it’s door. What the actual fuck. I havent turn left after the waterfall, i turned right. So i shouldn’t be here. I feel like one one of these horror movies when they character realizes shes is trapped in some crazy-ass loop. Imma gonna die here, walking in circle and passing this fucking building for ever? I come back at the fork. Do i continue straight or do i go back on my steps (right)? But then if i do that it’s going to bring me back to that abandoned building? I am so confused. I grab my phone and there is internet. I check on the map, where the street is. If i go straight, i should be back at the entrance in about 10min. Let’s go. It’s a ton of steps up and I finally arrive. I laugh at myself and also thank my past self for not going into the suicide forest in Japan - from what i have heard a lot of people actually get lost there because the forest is so dense and everything looks the same. I hop back on the moto and we drive back down, even though the visibility is very poor. I am amazed by how Vietnamese people do not give a fuck about security- but still manage to be safe all the time. We arrive to the villages and it’s now sunny and hot. We drive around for about 45min, the road is disgusting but my driver is amazing. We cross path with some wild buffalos. They are impressive and couldn’t care less about us. I get drop at my hotel and give a lot of tip to the driver. She was great and I felt very safe all along. She is very happy, she asks me if I want another tour tomorrow-but i already booked a trek with a black Hmong from another village. I go back to my hotel to change, then i come back down the hill to get some food at a local restaurant. I get a beef/horse and veggies sauté with lemongrass and green chilli. It is divine. I come back to my hotel and rest for the night.

The next day, i woke up early for my trek. My guide come pick me up at the hotel- she is a tiny woman from one of the villages I will visit today. To my surprise, there is no other people with us (the website was saying we would be up to 10 travellers). A second guide join us - she will be a blessing for me not to fall more than once during this trek. Both speak english well and introduce me to their ethnic group: the Black Hmong. They teach me that there are several hmong groups around the sapa valley- black, red, flower, green and striped, all of the names based on the type of traditional clothing they wear. The Black Hmong are the coolest, I found, because like me they almost only wear black clothes. “Shortcut”, my guide is pointing down a small clay path going down the rice fields. Yeah, let’s do it. It’s up and down and because it rained for the past two days the ground keeps sliding under my shoes. The second guide tries her best to hold my hand when the path becomes too dslippery, but in the end i end up falling in a huge puddle of mud. We all laugh. To my defence, have you seen the fucking view? There’s no way i’m just looking at my shoes for 4 hours. We arrive near a plantation and my guide explain that the plants we are seeing are Indigo. That is what they use to dye their clothing black. She grabbed a bunch of leaves and give it to me so I can crush them between my hands. She add a bit of water and suddenly my palms turn bright blue. She tease me saying it’s just going to stay like this for 6 months. I found both of my guide very funny and full of joy. They do this trek about three to four times a week- that would explain why they are such in shape. The view is absolutely incredible and I am so grateful to be here, right now. We arrive to a restaurant about 3 hours into the trek. The food is fine but this is clearly to get tourists to buy a bunch of things- there are several young children coming from table to table begging for everyone to buy trinkets from them. I feel a bit bad but I already bought a pair of earrings and a bracelet to some native i crossed path with during the trek. I cannot buy things from everyone I see, from lack of space and also because i still have 12 other countries to visit after. I also remember asking myself if these are really things they make locally, or if they just buy it in bulk from china. It does look the same from every single people i see. Also looks a bit like what you see in Mexico. But about 20min later we are going around town and my guide make me enter a shop. It’s in fact a factory where they create the earrings from rough metal they find, bracelets and clothing from a plant nearby and use indigo to create pattern or dye it black. I feel bad for having second guess their authenticity. We walk another two hours and we are finally done. I say my goodbyes to the guides and meet the driver who will bring me back up to Sapa on his motorcycle. I grab my backpack at the magnificent hotel and walk with it outside in search of someone to lift me to my eco lodge. It takes me one minute to find a guy with one of these cart that usually drive passengers to their hotel. After a 10min drive, i finally arrive to my eco lodge.

The lodge is own by a local family and they have outstanding hospitality. They also have a farm and a chef that is cooking delicious farm-to-table dishes. I decide that for my two nights here, i will take it easy and stay at the lodge to enjoy the view. I get a massage -which is not relaxing at all because the lady giving it keeps coughing, so I decide to also pay for an “herbal bath” later in the night. It’s almost time for dinner and i get invited in the common area to enjoy a sunset cocktail. I meet an hilarious British couple whom I will befriend for the next two days here. They have travelled a lot so we talk about all the different places we saw, the different cultures we experienced and give some anecdotes that made these places so special to us. The dinner is then served and it is absolutely amazing. I get a banana flower salad, horse and local veggies and a delicious roasted pineapple sitting on top of the most amazing cake i’ve ever taste. I go back to my room pretty confident this will be a good night. But once in the bed (i am waiting for the herbal bath to be ready), i start hearing a noise on the roof. There is some kind of animal running between the roof and the ceiling. My host comes to the room to add the final touch to the bath and I ask her what is making that noise. She apologize saying theres a rat’s nest in the ceiling. In any other hotel this would be a problem, but i chose an eco-lodge and my room is a bamboo hut in the middle of the mountains. There is not much we can do- wildlife will go where it wants to. I decide to make peace with it and go in the bath to calm down. My host tries tells me the bath will make me feel a bit high/dizzy- it is normal, its because of the herbs. I stay in the bath around 25 min, as i was instructed to, but nothing seems to happen. I go to sleep right after and almost forget the rats above. They wake me up about three times during the night- but i fall back to sleep quickly every time.

The next morning i wakeup very tired. I decide to stay in the hotel today and do a cooking lesson with a chef and the British couple. We first have to go to the market to get our ingredients and I can’t help myself to compare it to the one I visited with my guide in Hanoi. This one is way cleaner, although it still feels weird for me to see pieces of meet just lying on a table. It’s also the morning- it was end of the day when I visited the one in Hanoi. Both are wet markets, but once again the one in Hanoi really felt like what “wet market” brings to mind when you hear these words. It was very dark and there was flies everywhere and water on the ground. Live animals like dogs, chickens and pigs in cages. Woman cutting fishes and chicken without any masks or gloves. I secretly thank the gods that Sapa’s market look cleaner. We buy a bunch of veggies and three chicken thighs, a big piece of salmons and we are on our way back to the lodge. One interesting thing is that Sapa grow their own salmon. They are very fresh and taste more like wild salmon -quite different from the one you can taste in Japan. I am now an expert as you can read, lol. So we come back to the lodge and start cooking with the chef and it’s amazingly educative and fun. I get a bit apprehensive about the salmon soup (i am still unfamiliar with fishes, especially when cooked) but i am not travelling the world not to try new things. In about an hour we are done with the cooking and we start eating our feast. Every. Single. Plate. Is delicious. Yes, even the salmon soup. Like so delicious that i am bringing the recipe back home.  After lunch we decide to go chill at the pool, the british couple and I. They are leaving in less than an hour and we feel a bit sad because we had so much fun. We say our goodbye and i decide to go sunbath on my deck until dinner. The rest of the night is eventless and relaxing. I go to bed, peaceful, thinking about how much my trip to sapa was amazing. PAF. In the middle of the night, one of the rat falls from the ceiling straight in the room. I don’t remember waking that terrified, ever. I hear it running away for his life: clearly he is terrified too. It’s a bit reassuring but now i need to pee and i’m pretty sure we both would like to not cross eachother’s path. I wait it out a bit and when it’s been several minutes since i heard a noise I decide to go. Open all the lights, nothing seems to move. I open the door to my deck, in case the rat is trapped he can now leave while i go pee. I come back to the room and there is still no sign of the rat, but i’m awake now. I decide to go watch the sunrise while I wait for my taxi to pick me up. I am going back to Hanoi for one night but a part of my heart will forever stay in Sapa.


I came back to Hanoi for one night that turned out to be a shit show. I thought i had found a friend in my guide last time (i mean he told me he was happy we were friends now), so I texted him back to see what he was up to. We met in front of the church that was next to my hotel to go grab a drink and after the second beer we were met by two tourists from Brazil. I was enjoying the night but when our new Brazilian friends left it took a turn I wasn’t expected. My guide -a bit drunk by then- started to confess his love for me. Excuse me, what? I had literally spent a total of 6 hours with this person during which we had both stated we were friends- and now he was basically planning to come to Canada to be with me, as a boyfriend. He told me that since he saw me at the hotel the first time, he knew he was in love. I was shocked and quite frankly speechless. I tried to tell him in different ways that this was lust and not love and that I wasn’t interested. I liked him a lot but this was friendship and nothing more. I don’t think any of the words i said made it through his brain as he tried to kiss me while we were walking back. Honestly i felt terrible in so many ways. I didn’t felt that i had in any ways flirted or give the impression of a sexual attraction but I had been told in my life that i sometimes give this vibe without me wanting to. What do i have to do? Start being an asshole with guys i don’t want to fuck? I mean i was wearing joggings and a sweatshirt so i doubt this was a cue to announce my interest. Flash news y’all, a girl being kind and interested by what you have to say doesn’t mean she wants your meat. I am a bit annoyed right now but the feeling at the time was mostly self-doubt. And i didn’t want to hurt him or make him feel like if he wasn’t worthy, because he already had flagged to me several time that he felt less of a person than any foreigners he met. I started wondering how to get away from the situation without being rude and at the same time was trying to figure out if i gave mixte signal with anything i said. We finally arrived at the church and i wanted to call it a night but he kept insisting not to. I had to be a bit more harsh and tell him that was enough and then walk back alone to my hotel. I wasn’t afraid of him following me- i really think he was a good person, just quite confused by everything. I arrived at the hotel and he texted me an apology. I told him i was happy to have met him but i was travelling to find myself, not anyone else- and that this was goodbye. He continued texting and I had to block him because i felt like the conversation wasn’t going anywhere. He just kept telling me he was in love and there was no reasoning with him. I felt very bad. That is not a situation i wanted to live, specifically on holidays. I went to sleep with an awful feeling but i was leaving Hanoi the next morning for Halong Bay and i tried to convince myself that this was going to be enough for me to forget the whole situation.

I woke up early to go take the bus still thinking about what happened the night before. I guess i need to review how I speak to guys and be a bit colder when I have no sexual/romantic interest. I think it’s kinda sad because i have friendship interests in a lot of people and to me everyone deserve to be heard and feel appreciated/valued- but apparently i haven’t mastered how to give this feeling without looking like an open bar. I felt a bit sick to my stomach, probably due to the stress, but i took a gravol and slept it off in the bus. I arrived in halong and hopped straight on the boat for my two days-one night cruise. I had met another solo traveller in the bus, a guy from London that was super nice and i tried my best to stay polite -nothing more. We were invited to eat in the dining room before receiving our cabin keys: the food was okay but the view was stealing the show. My new friend sat next to me and we chatted a bit about our lives. I was very careful about how i sounded, the jokes i made, the vibe i gave. I finally received my key and said my goodbye to go check my cabin. It was amazing. The view was absolutely breathtaking and the bath was screaming “take me now”. But the cruise had scheduled a bunch of activities on the water and I wanted to do it. The first one was taking a bamboo boat to a cave nearby. I hopped on the smaller boat that was going to take us to the floating village where the bamboo boats were waiting for us. I took the boat with a french couple, a couple from Texas and the Cambodian girl’s dad. They were absolutely hilarious and i enjoyed every minute with them. We came back and i had time to finally take that bath before dinner. I was befriended by two girls from the usa at the sunset cocktail so they decided to join me and my London friend for dinner: win! We ate and had a fun time altogether until some weird-ass karaoke night started on the boat. It was very lame at first but we ended up merging tables with the texan couple and an Australian couple and I had so much fun singing my lungs out with them. Around 11pm the boat staff interrupted our masterpiece of a song (lose yourself from Eminem) telling us this was time to go bed. I havent even noticed that two of my three other friends were gone. I went back to my room and felt asleep feeling way better than the night before.

The next morning i woke-up just on time for breakfast which i shared with one of the girl from the usa and the London guy. (I feel bad i don’t remember either of their names but they were very nice). After i wanted to go kayaking and they both decided to join. The girl wanted to go alone and i wanted to be two on my kayak because im not in shape y’all. I asked the London guy if it was ok with him and he didn’t give a single fuck so i was quite happy. I had absolutely no vibe that there was an interest towards me and i loved it- because i was still in shock from Hanoi. We went around to see the fishing villages and then came back to the boat. I said thank you and we said goodbye. I was back on my way to the pier a few hours later.

I got dropped at my hotel in halong bay city. The hotel was fancy but nothing more then hotels in montreal that are used for conventions. My room had an incredible view but smelled like an homeless person. I decided to go down and explore the neighbourhood but after 5 min walking I had an uneasy feeling that this wasn’t safe. I went back to the hotel and decided to just relax for the night. The next morning i asked the hotel staff if it was ok for me to walk alone to the sun world attraction park, that was 8 min away. They told me that yes, it was very safe here. Okay, good. I started walking on the pedestrian path and i felt just fine. There was not a lot of people outside but i guess this was the low season so it was normal. A vietnamese woman was walking towards me, i had just passed her when I noticed a second one a bit more intriguing. She was walking a bit faster in my direction and I remember wondering what the hell she was wearing on her face. It looked like a covid mask but with a hole where the mouth is. As soon as i had finish to understand what i was seeing, i saw her try to snatch the bag from the woman that just passed me. She is screaming at her and this is escalating quickly. The other woman is trying to not let her take the bag and is now screaming too. What in the actual fuck. The woman with the mask seems fucking violent, she is not giving up and is raising her voice. It is time for me to get the fuck out. Sorry lady but im not playing my badass card right now. Im running the fuck away to my hotel and im calling it a day. I make it to the hotel and tell the staff who tells me they can’t do anything about it. Okay. Fine. I go back to my room. After the adrenaline has goes down, im thinking to myself i need to go back out. If i stay in the hotel all day i will be afraid for the rest of my trip. The woman could have snatch my bag, but she passed me and snatched the Vietnamese’s one. I wasn’t the target. Although im trying to motivate myself, i also dont want to be stupid so i am thinking about getting a taxi instead of walking. I go back to the reception and ask her to call one. She asks me where to and when I say to the park, she tells me it’s only 8 min i should walk it. Are you fucking insane, lady? I just told you i saw a mugging like 20min ago. She agreed to call a taxi. I take it and ask the driver to drive me to an ATM first and wait for me in front of it. He does it and then drops me in front of the park. There’s absolutely no one at the park and i love it. Its beautiful and very big. I decide to take the gondola to the other side of the river (the park is divided in two, one part each side). I do a few roller coasters and visit a temple and then take the gondola back. I look down to see where the hotel is and how far i was when i saw the mugging. Pretty close haha. I go down the gondola and now the park is full of asian kids. They all say “hello” to me, like i’m some sort of monkey in a circus. After my 300th hello, i decide to take a taxi home because its not that fun. I pass my night watching serial killer shows on Netflix and fall asleep quickly. The next morning I am going back to Hanoi for one night and although i should be nervous to cross-path with my guide, i mainly feel thankful to leave halong bay -i just didn’t like this city at all.


I am waiting my bus in Halong and notice quite rapidly that there is not a single person at the location they gave me. I found the WhatsApp number on internet and text the confirmation number and a screenshot of the place it says to go to take the lift. The guy quickly answer back “oops, we give the wrong address”. Honestly what in the actual fuck is this country and why is everything so disorganised. I try to remain calm although I am not very happy, and decide it’s probably better to stay where I am and just ask them to come pick me up. They agree and after about 15 min my ass is seated in the van. About two hours later, the van stops (not where it should) and the driver tells me to switch van. Another one is just waiting there. Is there a single fucking thing that works like it should here? I am growing more and more frustrated but I then realize that there is absolutely no point in getting annoyed. I can’t and won’t change the way a whole country works. I need to adapt. I need to stop giving a fuck about things never being as they are planned. It’s a bit tricky because I just saw a mugging yesterday and I have no idea who I should trust versus not, but at this point I have also no choice but to believe that like anywhere in the world- the bad and evils are the minority. I hop on the second van and 15 min later they drop me to the actual bus stop. I check in my hotel and go straight to a coffee shop to get an egg coffee -my favourite thing about Hanoi. I’m taking a flight to Hue tomorrow and I need to change my mindset because I’m spiralling down since a few days now. I am currently on a round the world. A motherfucking round the world. I am grateful to be able to do this. It was and is still my most craziest dream -and I am living it. It is ok to feel down, to miss my friends, my cat, my family. But I need to take a deep breath and find back that feeling I had in Japan. Vietnam is not my favourite country so far, but I can make my experience better if I focus on the positive things. I walk back to the hostel after a few hours of self-motivation - that egg coffee was awesome so it’s definitely a good start. The next morning I take a taxi to the airport and in no time I am landing in Hue. The city gives me a good vibe, even better than Hanoi. It is definitely cleaner. It’s still raining like crazy though, but I won’t let this affect my new mood. I decide to take a motorcycle tour to explore the city’s top places to see. My driver is an older guy that drives very well and give me tips of what to see vs what is a tourist trap here. I end up passing my day exploring landmarks without anyone by my side (every time i am done, a bus full of tourists arrive- my guide definitively knows when to go to beat the crowd). I feel like Lara Croft minus the big boobs - I visit old tombs, pagodas, temples and even an old abandoned water park (this was my favourite sight!). Once we are done he drives me back to the hotel and I get ready for the night. The only problem is that I’ve been under the rain for about 6 hours and it’s so humid in the hotel I feel like I am never gonna dry. A bit of a set back for my mood, but it’s fine. I go to sleep feeling still wet and curse at the dog next door about 7 times during the night. He won’t shut the fuck up. I wake up dreaming about the day I am done with Vietnam, but after a talk with some friends I decide to find another activity to see if I can change my mood. I pick a street food tour at night. I pass my morning walking around town and hopping from coffee to restaurants, which is actually getting me a bit more happy. At 6, i am back at the hotel waiting for my guide. She picks me up and drive me to the first restaurant on her bike. We sit and start eating some really tasty food and when I try to take a picture I realize i don’t have my phone. What the fuck. Did it fall? Or did i forget it on the table outside in front of the hotel? I need this phone it has legit everything about my trip in it. I take a deep breath and ask my guide if we can drive back to the hotel after we are done with this meal. She understands instantly and agrees. We finish eating and although my mind is somewhere else I like the food a lot. She drive back to the hotel. The phone isn’t on the table. I check everywhere around -nothing. I walk up to the room with the internal monologue that if it’s not in there, I need to just make peace with it and continue my food tour without a care. If i lost it, i lost it. I can’t do anything about it and I won’t ruin my night or the rest of my trip for this. I will find another solution. I open the door and my phone is on the bed. I’ll be damned. I take it, all happy, and come back down holding it up like a trophy. My guide is super happy too and we hop back on the moto both smiling and laughing. It is going to be a good night. It’s still raining but we are having fun and she is a very good driver. We have 4 more places to go, south and north of town. The second one is in an alley and although I tell them I am allergic to seafood I see them prepping my thing in the same oil where some shrimps are floating. Well, i know I am not going to die (my allergy is more of a: i will puke as soon as it goes in), so I decide to just go with it and see. It gets in without going out, so I guess we are fine. We then drive to the old town to a place packed with only locals. Every table has it’s little bbq and the room is literally filled with white smoke. People keep coughing and my guide asks if it’s fine for me. I am here to experience everything as a local, so hell yeah bring it on lady. There’s a bit of a wait and my guide saw some of her friend so we decide to just sit with them at their table. They welcome me warmly and we start chatting and eating while everyone else looks at me being the only white girl around. I get ask by a few people to take a photo with them. It’s honestly not a great feeling but I play the game and just give them what they want with a smile. I know there is no harm intended. We then leave the gang because we still have two stops to do -even though we are both full already. The next stop is to try some local soup that taste like pho and looks like pho but apparently isn’t. Not impressed. Then we go to that weird ass desert place where they serve everything Canada warn you not to eat (ice, raw stuff, water, milk) in a cup. I look at it and it honestly looks so awful that I know I will regret getting sick for it. But what the hell, I am in or I am not. Travelling is also getting out of your comfort zone and there is no way I am not making the most of this trip. I grab a huge-ass spoon and swallow it. Shocking but it’s actually not bad at all. We finish our glasses and it’s time to say goodbye. I feel like this saved my whole mood, i go back to the hotel still wet but this time I don’t care at all. I even make a game out of the dog’s barks. I wake up the next morning feeling excited to discover the new city I am heading to: Hoi An.


I arrived in Hoi An with the excitement of a child going to Toys’r’us. First: i was going to sleep in a decent hotel with my private room. Second: every traveller i met during the trip so far has been raving about how amazing this town is. They were not wrong. I felt in love as soon as my feet touched the old city’s pavement. From the colourful buildings to the smell of coffee in the streets, everything about the town was charming and inviting. There was way less motorbikes in the old town too, and enough people to feel safe walking alone. I passed my afternoon wandering the rainy alleyways, taking pictures of the building’s textures and stopping to eat and have several coffees in some of the cute shops around. I then walked back to my place (a 17min walk), not feeling as safe as soon as I went out of the old town but not feeling in danger either. I arrived at my hotel with the heavy rain pouring down and decided to just have a netflix night and an early sleep. I woke up a few times during the night to the screams of a tiny creature i couldn’t find anywhere -but i know it was in the room. I thought it sounded like a bat or some kind of small rodent which I was use to by now, so I didn’t do any fuss about it. I woke up the next morning with the plan to go see banahills and the golden bridge but i felt in love so much with the old town that I decided to cancel and just use my last day to wonder around. It was still pouring rain but a bit like Seattle, this city had the right setup for it. It was cinematically perfect. I passed my day coffee shop hopping and walked back home just before sunset. My hotel was located on a mini island not too far and while I was about to enter the path to the island i realized someone was following me on a moto. Not today, motherfucker, i do not feel like getting kidnapped or robed. I don’t know why but I am mostly numb to the feeling of fear, i usually get just very annoyed instead. Like how the fuck dare you thinking you can rob me. I know that’s probably not ideal because there’s a reason why fear exists, but at that precise moment nothing was felt but annoyance. I stopped walking and turn to him. “Can i help you?” I knew i looked pissed. He just froze for a second and then acted like he was meant to be doing a u-turn in that very obvious dead-end path. I started walking again and that’s when fear kicked in. My back is now facing him. Assertive in my dominance of the situation but also very fucking dumb to turn my back to a potential attacker.. but what can I do else? And then i see three people at the end of the path. I turn, the guy on the moto saw them too. He left. For an absolute weird reason I forget this ever happened as soon as I enter my room. I take a shower and start netflix and decide to relax tonight again. Anyway, guess what, it is still fucking raining. Half way through my episode, i hear a scream at my right. Wtf. THIS is what made that noise last night? There is a tiny lizard just chilling on the wall. It is so fucking damn cute, i can’t believe it can scream so loud. I google it- it’s not dangerous. And it does scream like a cray cray, but only when it feels threaten. I decide to converse a bit with him, to show him he is welcomed on the wall and im just gonna take the bed for the night. He seems to get it because he doesnt screams one single time during the night. I wakeup the next morning, feeling rested and ready to discover my new destination.


We are all flawed to the core. We all make mistakes. We all do stupid things that we later regret -or stupid things we absolutely would do over again. Danang is the latter.

How the fuck did i get there? I’m puking my life out in the toilet of my hostel, knowing damn well that playing drinking games with soju is the reason why. Or maybe the tequila shots are. “Here, i brought you water”. Josh hands me a bottle of water from under the door. Josh. Fuck. Flashes of the night just come back in a strobe. Rewind tape noises.

I just arrived in Danang and it’s raining- again. My hostel is pretty nice and there’s a rooftop where i can go chill while the weather becomes a bit less of a shitshow. There’s two guys already there. One is playing guitar, the other one just smoking outside. I stay a while in my corner and then decide to go explore a bit -i’m hungry. I find a very cute coffee shop and just decide to hang out there for a while. I actually feel kinda lonely. It’s almost Christmas and even here there’s decorations everywhere to remind me that this year i’ll celebrate alone. Okay, i’ll go back to the hostel and see maybe these guys are still there or maybe someone else is and i can chill with them a bit.

Fast forward. I’m sitting alone on the hostel’s rooftop. There’s not a single soul upstairs. I’m chatting with Alex who just had a party with his friend back in Montreal and he is awake even though it’s past 4am over there. It feels nice to feel close to him again. The time zones is a bit of a shitty thing to stay in touch with friends in some real-time conversations. He makes me laugh, i miss him a lot. He’s about to go bed cause he works the next day. I’m saying bye and at the same time the two guys from earlier just show up on the rooftop. They have beer, i ask them if they just want to chill here with me. They agree. Dan is the guitar player, Jack Sparrow meets Adam, but blonde. Josh has darker hair, he keeps cracking jokes but with a stoic face - like if he was just done with life- and i think it’s hilarious. They are childhood friends from England and their chemistry is amazing to watch. It’s gonna be a fun night, i can tell. “Would you be an orange or a Wednesday?” What the fuck is this guy talking about. I feel like in that scene from Bullet Train, with lemon and tangerine. I’m entertained. I go down to buy myself some tiger beers- i need to catchup with them. We continue talking, laughing and then decide that this shitty weather is the perfect reason to go for dinner and drinks. We go next door -best decision ever- we will understand why later. I order a meal that says “fighting chicken” but it comes as a soup with shrimps in it. Nope. Josh switches is plate for mine. We all finish eating and go to the bar next door. I ask them if they feel like getting smashed (because to be honest I feel a bit like numbing the loneliness) and they are down. We start playing Race with my playing cards. The four aces are horses, you bet sips on the one you think will win the race, if it does you can give the double of sips to the other players. 

Dangerous, but very fun. We are only three and theres four aces. We decide that if the horse no one bet on wins, then we all need to take a shot. Very dangerous, but also very effective if you want to get fucked up. We start playing and pretty quickly down our first drink. Then the fucking horse no one bets on wins. One tequila shot. A second drink down. One other tequila shot. We order one last drink and judge we had enough for this bar. We play more rounds while finishing our drinks and that motherfucking bet-less horse wins again. Ok one last shot. The staff is also smashed, we think, cause the barmaid literally falls of her heels, spreading on the floor like peanut butter on a toast. We try to help but she refuses. She gets back on her feet and goes back to the bar to do new shots for us because the last ones are now on the ground too. We take them and leave. The night starts to get blurry. I vaguely remember we stop at an ATM, but then we decide to just go back to the hostel and continue playing on the rooftop instead of going to another bar. Only clever decision of the night. I get two bottles of soju at the cafe downstair and bring it up. Why in the hell did I do that. We were already drunk.

I keep puking but i don’t feel any better. The bottle Josh brought me is almost empty now. I deeply regret my choices. I know better. It reminds me of the peak of my CS years where we were going out so much every other nights. Bleh. No, i don’t want to do that again. I wasn’t happy then. I am now. I don’t need this to cope with anything and I’m definitely too old for that shit. Bling. My phone. It’s Josh asking me if I feel any better. I answer yes, i’m fine -but the answer is no i’ve been puking for 3 hours, just come kill me right now. He text again. “You can add rooftop to your list”. Wait what. Flashbacks. I’m sitting on Josh, we are kissing, everything is a fucking blur. Moaning sounds. For fucking sake, Steph. Face palm. What in the actual fuck have you done, you motherfucking hoe. I shake my head and feel more ashamed and disgusted by who I am than I felt in years.

If you are reading this Josh, you aren’t the cause for this -getting so smashed i fucked a guy on a rooftop and don’t remember is.

Not. My. Proudest. Moment.

I take a deep breath. There’s a reasons I am doing this trip and the main one is to learn more about myself. Let’s evaluate. I am a girl who got smashed in Vietnam, because she felt lonely, and she got so drunk she fucked that nice stranger on the rooftop of the hostel. But you know what? What do we care? I don’t owe shit to anyone. I am single, on the trip of my life, a once in a lifetime experience, and I am allowed to process my loneliness in any ways i want. I am allowed to do mistakes, to act recklessly once in a while. All of these moments, they make us who we are. Flawed, but humans. We are all animals who act like we have everything together but deep down we cope by doing stupid shit and by learning from it.

Past Steph did shit like that a lot, so it can feel like I haven’t learn anything really. But past Steph would have lied about it. She would have hide it, even to her closest friends. She would have so desperately act like it wasn’t part of who she was.

It has been only a month I am travelling by myself now, and one thing I feel like I have learn (or am learning still) is that we are all the fucking same. All a mess. All imperfects creatures who just want to be love for everything they are. That’s who I am. I am mostly driven, passionate, adventurous and caring - but i can also be reckless, apathetic, imprudent and erratic. Maybe you are shocked right now. Maybe you are not. But i’ve decided to just be unapologetically myself and to stop pretending like we are all perfect. If you don’t like it then stop reading, cause this shit’s about to get real.


It’s been about two days and i’m still feeling hangover. I’m about to take a plane to Saigon and i’m at the airport staring at my feet and thinking about Danang. Dan and Josh left for Hoi An yesterday, while I was still trashed in my hostel bed. I got woken up by the hotel staff who found my raincoat on the rooftop (my raincoat that had my passeport in the front pocket). I really need to not ever do that again during this trip. That was freaking irresponsible. We are now boarding flight VJ629. I’m probably never gonna see these two guys again, so, enough about that night. In a few hours i’m going to be in Saigon (ho chi minh) where it’s suppose to be sunny all week. I’m excited to finally have a break from the rain but a tiny bit stressed out because i’ve heard saigon is the worst place for bag/phone snatching. We will see, i guess!

I arrive in Saigon and it is hot, humid but most of all sunny. I love it already. I take a grab to my hotel and then start exploring around by foot. There is a shit ton of motos everywhere, but it doesn’t feel bad at all. I go for lunch, for some coffee, go to the ATM, to the pharmacy, and finally go for dinner. Productive day! I go back to the hotel on a grab cause it’s now night and after a nice shower I Netflix and pass out. I wakeup super excited the next morning because i’m meeting Cos for lunch. Cos and I use to work together at Cinesite a few year back, when I was still in rigging. He moved here a few years ago with his wife and now they are living their best lives in the expat neighbourhood. I don’t have enough time to go out before I meet him, but still have a few min to spare- and because I’m still feeling kinda lonely (and to be fair still not remembering much about the night), I open tinder just to brainlessly swipe for 10min. That shit sometimes gets addictive so I have a system where I stop swapping after 10 pictures that do not contain any face (so a quote, a landscape, a car, whatever). Usually that limits my time spent on the app to about 10 minutes. Also why in the hell are guys putting quotes or landscape, im confused. Anyway- i start swapping and when i swapped about 7 landscape/quotes i finally stumble on Callum. He’s a scottish ginger drummer in a punk-rock band in Vietnam. Interesting. I add him on IG and then it’s time for me to go meet Cos. I meet him in a fancy restaurant and we talk about all and everything. Then i hop on his bike and he drops me at a cool coffee shop -he needs to get back to work. If someone had ever told me back when I hired him that I would one day be riding at the back of his moto in Vietnam, i would have call insanity. But here we are. I smile because it reminds me of the deep link we made with that og rigging team. It was something new artists wouldn’t be able to experience with working remotely, and that’s a shame. I feel grateful we had that chance. After my coffee, I go back to the hotel to chill a bit. Bling. Callum (the drummer guy) just pinged me on IG. He wants to know what’s up today. I explain where I am at and ask if he wants to meet, i feel like I can get a very different opinion from him about living in Vietnam than I just had from Cos. He tells me he will come pick me up at my hotel around 6. I tell him that i have a tour tomorrow at like 7am so it will be a short night for me and I won’t be drinking a lot. He says there’s absolutely no problem. His IG has 5k followers and he is known here in Vietnam so i don’t feel scared whatsoever. I have a very good vibe, feels like someone I would definitely be friends with back in Montreal.

Around 6pm he is picking me up on his moto. My first impression is very positive. He’s 34, tall and good looking and he seems very fun and positive. I hop on his moto and we head up to a place for one drink. When we park, he asks a local where the bar is (in Vietnamese) and she points the back alley. We enter a very creepy building and start walking up the stairs. I make a joke about not wanting to die and he makes a joke about just harvesting my organs. We arrive to a door that looks like nothing. I open: behind it is a very fancy speakeasy. Thank god. That’s actually very fucking cute and definitely something I love to do in Montreal. Good job, man. We sit and have one glass (of wine, for me) and start discussing about music (we are both punk-rock lovers), films and the fact we both work in our dream field. He is definitely a charming man and i’m having a really good night. We then decide to leave to go dinner. He pays the bill (we ended up having two drinks each), and I tell him I will get dinner. Hop back on the moto and we arrive in a cute restaurant with the ceiling covered in dangling lights. Yo, this guy is good. The food is delicious and the conversation super interesting, so add clever, funny and inspiring to the mixte. I would definitely see this guy again if we were in a day to day context. We finish eating and he asks if we still have time for one last drink. I agree- it’s not even 9. I pay the bill while he is in the bathroom and then we hop back on his moto. I guess he already quite got who I am, because our next destination is definitely something I frequent in general. It’s a small trashy/ underground dive-bar, similar to the Cobra or TRH bar in Montreal. I love the ambiance. Honestly, this is the best tinder date I ever had. He is intelligent, polite, charming, funny, he fucking listens and seems interested, he is edgy but also look emotionally stable and like he has his shit together. A rare sight on tinder. We continue talking and laughing and after the drink, he says he will bring me back home because it’s now around 11 and I have my tour early tomorrow. Fucking gentleman too. We decide we would like to do that again in a few days, while I am still in town. We kiss in front of my hotel, then say thanks for the amazing night and part ways. That was definitely a beautiful night. I go to sleep with a smile -that man just give me back hope that there’s some decent guys that fits my criteria out there.

I wakeup early the next morning because a guide is picking me up at the hotel. I feel a bit sick, probably because my dinner last night was very spicy. It’s fine, i swallow some pills and enter the car hoping everything will be fine. I thank the lords it’s a private tour cause i have to make them stop the car twice on the way to the tunnels. My belly hurt so much but nothing is happening. The second time we stop at a place where they know the owner and she give me some medication from america. Literally 5 minutes later i am feeling fine. Yay! We arrive an hour later to the cu chi tunnels. The tunnels were used by Viet Cong soldiers as hiding spots during combat, as well as serving as communication and supply routes, hospitals, food and weapon caches and living quarters for numerous North Vietnamese fighters. It was very important to the Viet Cong in their resistance to American forces. During the visit, you can see all the different traps the Viet Cong were putting everywhere to stop the Americans. They also made special sandals that looks like you are walking in the other direction. So many many clever ideas. I had the chance to visit a part of the tunnels, and although I am not claustrophobic, I can tell you I became during my descent. The tunnels became so tight around my body, i felt like I was going to get stuck. Then, I was bring to a field where I was able to shot real ammunitions with an AK47. Hear me out -I am against guns. But I felt it was part of their history and a great way to feel a bit what they could have feel back then. The gun was super heavy and so loud -and it also kept getting stuck because of the humidity. Imagine this get stuck while you are in a fight. Without anything to cover your ears too. They must have been all def, I can’t believe. We finished the tour and hopped back in the car. We had to drive two hours now to get to the restaurant. About an hour into the drive, I started feeling so high I thought I was going to pass out. Fuck. That’s clearly the medication they gave me, was probably too strong for me. I tried to fight it off but after a while I just decided to sleep and see if that would pass. I told my guide, so he could keep an eye on the situation. I felt safe with both him and the driver. We finally arrived and I was still feeling very lightheaded. I had a small cooking lesson and then I started to eat. That actually helped. We hopped back on the car ready to go to Mekong Delta. The boat ride is super cool -and private. We are the only one on the boat. It stops on several of the islands in the delta and I get to hold a snake on my shoulder, hear a local concert, eat and drink different delicacies and take a small boat on the canals. Then, we drive back to Saigon. About 5 min into the drive I receive a text from Josh - we are in Saigon. Do you want to hangout? Fuck.

I decide that I should not meet tonight -I am exhausted but also need to question myself on the whole situation. I am supposed to meet Callum tomorrow lunch, so you know, one is enough. I go to sleep telling Josh maybe we can go breakfast tomorrow instead. He agrees.

The next morning I wakeup to a text from Callum saying that he needs to record drums tonight so if we do endup seeing eachother it’s probably gonna be a late booty call. Bleh. That suddenly reduce the charm of this whole encounter. But to be fair if Josh wasn’t back in town I would prob go for it anyway. But I decide to just see how the day goes. Josh and Dan meet me in front of my hotel and we walk to a small breakfast place not too far. They make me laugh instantly and I remember why I liked them so much the first time. They make everything light and fun. We eat and talk and even come with a scenario for a new pothead movie - finding snoop dog to officiate Dan’s wedding. I love it cause it’s not awkward at all between us, like we were so drunk last time but now we aren’t and everything’s fine. We finish breakfast and we all need to switch/renew hotels so we say goodbye in a kinda “see you later” way.

I go back to my hotel, check out and take a grab to my next hostel. I chill there and around until the check in and then try to do a small nap because I still feel lightheaded once in a while. Maybe because of the heat. Around 4 Josh texts me that they just went to the museum I recommended and they are now drinking a beer in a bar cause it was a bit too intense. I say I’m about to go watch the sunset from one of the tower close to the water and I ask them if they want to join. They both agree and meet me an hour later at the top of the tower. The view is stunning. There’s cloud (will understand the next day that it was in fact pollution) almost touching the ground in the distance and the sun is bright red. We chill there for a while until the sun disappears behind the smog. They ask if I want to go dinner and I agree. We walk a bit and end up in a small local restaurant where everything is written in Vietnamese. I know that Ga means chicken, so I order that. The food is actually quite good. We then decide to go for one drink. But just one. We don’t want to end up trashed like last time. We look around without finding anything to our liking so we take a grab to close to their hostel. I walk them to that crazy street i found last time while driving through town with Callum. Callum. I check my phone and it’s like 7. He is barely starting to record his drum. I decide at that time that I will not go if he text me later. I am having fun right now with my friends and I don’t want to be this person ditching people for a booty call. Back with Josh and Dan, we are now sitting outside of a small bar on the super noisy street. We found a sweet spot where it’s not so noisy that we can hear ourselves talk. I feel absolutely no flirting from Josh’s side and I am not sure if it’s out of respect for Dan or if it’s just that we were both drunk and there never was a vibe. I’m fine with it in any case. Going with the flow, tonight. But then Dan goes for a pee and Josh starts talking about the night back in Danang. I apologize for not remembering and he says theres still time to make something worth to remember. Oh oh. I mean to be fair I already fucked him so might as well do it again so I can remember this time. Also he is cute and he makes me laugh all the time. Dan comes back before I can speak and Josh turn back to friendly mode. I respect that. We go on with some random conversations and after one last drink (that I end up giving to Dan cause I really don’t want to get smashed), we decide it’s enough for the night. Josh asks me if I want to go back with them -he has a private room with double beds. I see what you are doing, mate. And yes, i’m down. I ask them if they are ok to walk with me to my hostel first so I can grab some stuff. They agree. I grab my things and we take a grab to their place. We say goodbye to Dan who’s sleeping in a bunkbed on the third floor and we head up to the private room upstairs. The first moments are a bit awkward, like no flirting, nothing. I’m second guessing my venue here. I ask if I can take a shower, maybe he is nervous and just needs some time to chill. I take my shower and come back out and now he wants to take one too. I wait for him in the bed, feeling very awkward about the whole thing. Like you know when you are 15 and doesn’t quite know what to do in these situations. My phone beeps. It’s Callum: what you up to? Are you free? It’s like 11pm and i’m in someone’s bed.. it’s too late to change my mind. I tell him i’m with friends because white lies are sometimes better- and that if he is free tomorrow we can maybe go for brunch? He agrees. Josh comes out of the shower. Okay. Let’s see how awkward this can be. Haha. He comes to the bed and we start a movie. And then suddenly the awkwardness just goes away. I guess some people do really need Netlix to chill. He kisses very well, so that’s a good omen. So obviously the film didn’t get watch at all. I can even say that we didn’t watch it multiple times. The night was very cute and fun. Josh definitely was more of a lover than a fuck boy kinda guy. He started to talk about his dreams and asking about mine at some point in the night. I think he needed more than just sex at that moment. Sometimes, all we need is to feel love, from whomever it might comes from. We felt asleep very late and woke-up to the alarm he had set because they wanted to do something out of their day. I think because the tone of the night was all cute, I expected goodbye sex or at least a goodbye kiss. But it was back to friendly Josh. He left the room literally one min after the alarm ringed to go grab a coffee. Wait what. I was still half asleep and I wondered if maybe he felt sick and didn’t want to use the bathroom from the room. I mean that’s all good, I dressed up, washed my teeth and I was about to leave when he came back with his coffee. He asks me if I’m leaving now, of course I am wtf do you mean haha. He says ok, asks for a hug (?) and then i leave. Took a grab back to my hostel and felt a bit like garbage, to be very honest. It always feels weird to me to have an intimate night and then the next morning it’s cold and weird. I feel like I always close the deal like a decent person, but sometimes I don’t get the same favour back. I was going to leave in the morning anyway, so how hard is it to just be a fucking gentlemen until then. Anyway. I’m now crying in my hostel bed. Don’t get me wrong, i’m not crying for this specific guy. I don’t know him, he was just there at the right moment. I’m crying cause i’m back at the place where I was- i feel alone. The feeling was gone during the night but have now creeped back in like one of these fucking cockroaches i saw in the bar’s toilet last night. Ok, i need to stop that non sense. Being lonely is definitely not the end of the world. Remember why you are here. You are living your dream right now. Alone, strong, you don’t need anyone. Bling. That’s Callum. I honestly don’t feel like getting out of this bed. He is sick. A part of me is sad because i feel like shit and he makes me feel good, i’m sure that would have been a great brunch and a great distraction, but another part is happy because I want to sleep and just have the day for myself. Bling. That’s Josh. He apologizes for being a weirdo this morning and tells me if my plans fails he would like to meet. Nope. I am done y’all. I want to be alone. I want this day for myself, to relax and to switch that loneliness to just being powerfully alone. I am meeting with Cos and his wife tonight and I want to get back to a clear mental state before doing so. I take the day very chill and manage to get my happiness back in the early pm. I take a grab at night and go meet Cos and Hope and we have a wonderful dinner full of laughs and anecdotes. I leave them after one drink at a bar -tomorrow I am taking a flight to the third country of my round the world.

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